“Have” or “Have Not”?

16 Comments on “Have” or “Have Not”?

(Humor Alert… this post contains sarcasm, puns, innuendo. Hilarity intended!)

I hesitate to say it, but I believe, this post separates us into the

“Haves” and “Have Nots”.

Until recently, I’ve been a “Have Not”. A new experience has launched me into the “Haves”. I wished and tried to remain a “Have Not”; but the circumstance demanded I become a “Have”.

During my years, I have heard it talked about. It always caused shutters up and down me and even an audible, “Oh No, not me!”

Squat toilet at a public restroom, New Territories, Hong Kong, China. Image shot 2008. Exact date unknown.
It wasn’t this nice; no handrails, tile, etc. A door was provided!🙌

 

Yep, the hole in the floor room😳

It cringes every part of me. “How do women do this?” I’ve heard people say, “It’s better than the woods!” Ummmmm, okay. I don’t do that either!

I’ve always presumed the women who went before me, without creature comforts, had an extra set of  “how to’s”, not within my realm of learned behaviors.

I’ve been raised in the “throne method”. Rather liking, my refined royal alternative. As the aging process continues, joints, muscles, ligaments and tendons fight against me: furthering the complications.

This day… there were NO options. It “was” or it “wasn’t.” I was a “Have Not” succumbing to a “Have.” Or, I was a “need to” leaving as a “still have to.” Realizing the bus ride, would make that an impossible situation.

I passed women coming out, shaking heads and saying “Nope!”, “Not Me!”, “No Thanks!” “No Way!”. I snickered, knowing, with all my heart and soul, I wanted to be them, but couldn’t!

Entering the world of a “Have”

5CC192D0-0CF2-4B26-B7FE-67326471583B
Not quite this rustic, but a little closer to my reality!

I made a plan of attack, thinking somehow in my limited range of experiences, I could figure this out, before I experienced it. Another snicker. If I hadn’t broken out in a full on sweat, I may have been in full on laughter mode. You know, the kind where your knees get weak and things leak. But, I knew, laughing would make me shake and far less stable. I succumbed to sweating!

First, I took off all outer things: purse, jacket, sweater… every loose item, potentially causing me issues. I surveyed the surroundings. Where were the essentials located? Looked for grasping points. (There were none.) Trying to figure out how I could succeed with so few accoutrements.

Why didn’t I google this before we left home? Hind sight!

I’m still sweating, the kind you get from stress, my equivalent to breaking out in hives. This just seemed impossible. But, I summoned some resolve telling myself “half the world’s population (I made this number up.) does this many times a day.” When necessary, I make stuff up to aid me. It wasn’t comforting. It shamed me; making such a “hoopla out of this” (eye-roll), “Good Grief”, “Grow Up”, etc. (Self-talk)

I tried my best to secure every article of cloth under my arms and with one hand, knowing the rest of the day was on a bus surrounded by fellow travelers (stress upon stress). Also thinking, speed is key!

I left the facility:  “rest-room” is not an appropriate definition. I was a bit humbled, a lot exhausted and still wishing I was a “Have Not”. Alas, I am a “Have”, even though I never wanted to be and still prefer not to be.

If you’re a “Have Not” and the time arrives, I can testify, the crossing over may be anxiety ridden and less than, but, you may keep your dignity by being a “Have”, rather than remaining a “Have Not”.

Just please … no one tell me they had security cameras!!! 

 

Part of the AHA Series, Adventures In Greece. If you’ve missed any Moments in the AHA Series, Find them here: #1 Here, #2 Here, #3 Here, #4 Here.

 

A reluctant “Have”,

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Published by Elaine Stone

16 thoughts on ““Have” or “Have Not”?”

  1. 😂😂😂😂. I’m laughing because we just had this discussion at the dinner table last night. When we lived in Okinawa there were several places that had these holes in the floor. You should have seen the looks on the kids faces as Carla and I described what it took for a woman to use these. Oh, and there were no doors to the entrance and men and woman used the same ones. I look forward to this every Tuesday. Thanks sweet friend.

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  2. LOL – bless your heart! you have such a way with words – I can only imagine – my experience was “the woods”

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  3. I am a Have. It started in the makeshift “chair” of my daddy’s arms along the highways from IL to TX, which were nothing like the interstates of today: no rest areas, fast food was a Stuckeys or HoJo, and long stretches of desolate roads (Texas is a big state!) Three little girls with urgent needs… we became “Haves”. No hole, a Kleenex tissue wipe, and Mom would hold up a beach towel for privacy, while dad cradled us above the dangers of rocks, bugs & and tall grass along the roadside. Good thing we were too young to feel humiliated!
    You would think Dad would understand girls are rather prissy about some things, but no… he took us camping. Not RV, bathing facilities, pools kind of camping, but primitive tent camping, cooking over the fire, no facilities except a shovel & a roll of tissue. Not even the dignity of a hole – dig your own hole to bury your Have To & embarrassment 😳 Need I mention that I hate camping to this day?!? Unless it’s a Marriot or Hilton… near a restaurant… and the beach 😎

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  4. I had to laugh, but it’s really not funny! I attended First grade in Japan, where we were taught by nuns in the convent because my sister was the only child on base old enough to go to school. I was sent because my parents didn’t want her to be alone. Imagine my horror when I encountered this type of facility as a 4 year old! I had to ask for help from the nun in charge that day….and then made sure to never drink anything while in school for the duration of my time there. That was the only time I ever needed to use it-my poor baby bladder!!
    We encountered the same type once again in Turkey…….I learned to “hold it” very well!!!

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  6. I’m definitely a have! I had that experience in a wooden shed in the backwoods of the Amazon jungle! Trust me, your bathroom looked very elegant to what I faced! lol All I had to aim for was a small hole cut out the wooden floor and you don’t even want to know what laid beyond that hole! I did a lot of self talking that day as well… “For goodness sake Betty, you’re a country girl that was raised at a sawmill and had an outdoor bathroom as a kid! You’ve got this! “ As true as that was, at least our outdoor potty had a seat in it! Let’s just say going in the woods at my Daddy’s sawmill was a piece of cake compared to that, at least we had paper napkins there! 😂

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    1. Hahaha! The pic is not the actual of the one I used … it was more rustic but did have a door! No handrails or tile, for sure!! Napkins are a definite plus😂 Thanks for sharing😘

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  7. I absolutely adore the way you tell stories! I am a “HAVE”… I grew up in the woods and raised my daughter in Okinawa! We both had the pleasure to experience the lovely restroom you so eloquently described! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

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  8. I am a have. If we wanted to swim at the Park that was the only way to do it. I was always afraid of falling in when I was younger. We actually had to hold onto the sides and say a pray. For a young person, it was pretty scary. It didn’t look like your picture. LOL

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