(Humor Alert… this post contains sarcasm, puns, innuendo. Hilarity intended!)
I hesitate to say it, but I believe, this post separates us into the
“Haves” and “Have Nots”.
Until recently, I’ve been a “Have Not”. A new experience has launched me into the “Haves”. I wished and tried to remain a “Have Not”; but the circumstance demanded I become a “Have”.
During my years, I have heard it talked about. It always caused shutters up and down me and even an audible, “Oh No, not me!”
Yep, the hole in the floor room😳
It cringes every part of me. “How do women do this?” I’ve heard people say, “It’s better than the woods!” Ummmmm, okay. I don’t do that either!
I’ve always presumed the women who went before me, without creature comforts, had an extra set of “how to’s”, not within my realm of learned behaviors.
I’ve been raised in the “throne method”. Rather liking, my refined royal alternative. As the aging process continues, joints, muscles, ligaments and tendons fight against me: furthering the complications.
This day… there were NO options. It “was” or it “wasn’t.” I was a “Have Not” succumbing to a “Have.” Or, I was a “need to” leaving as a “still have to.” Realizing the bus ride, would make that an impossible situation.
I passed women coming out, shaking heads and saying “Nope!”, “Not Me!”, “No Thanks!” “No Way!”. I snickered, knowing, with all my heart and soul, I wanted to be them, but couldn’t!
Entering the world of a “Have”
I made a plan of attack, thinking somehow in my limited range of experiences, I could figure this out, before I experienced it. Another snicker. If I hadn’t broken out in a full on sweat, I may have been in full on laughter mode. You know, the kind where your knees get weak and things leak. But, I knew, laughing would make me shake and far less stable. I succumbed to sweating!
First, I took off all outer things: purse, jacket, sweater… every loose item, potentially causing me issues. I surveyed the surroundings. Where were the essentials located? Looked for grasping points. (There were none.) Trying to figure out how I could succeed with so few accoutrements.
Why didn’t I google this before we left home? Hind sight!
I’m still sweating, the kind you get from stress, my equivalent to breaking out in hives. This just seemed impossible. But, I summoned some resolve telling myself “half the world’s population (I made this number up.) does this many times a day.” When necessary, I make stuff up to aid me. It wasn’t comforting. It shamed me; making such a “hoopla out of this” (eye-roll), “Good Grief”, “Grow Up”, etc. (Self-talk)
I tried my best to secure every article of cloth under my arms and with one hand, knowing the rest of the day was on a bus surrounded by fellow travelers (stress upon stress). Also thinking, speed is key!
I left the facility: “rest-room” is not an appropriate definition. I was a bit humbled, a lot exhausted and still wishing I was a “Have Not”. Alas, I am a “Have”, even though I never wanted to be and still prefer not to be.
If you’re a “Have Not” and the time arrives, I can testify, the crossing over may be anxiety ridden and less than, but, you may keep your dignity by being a “Have”, rather than remaining a “Have Not”.
Just please … no one tell me they had security cameras!!!
A reluctant “Have”,
Feel free to share with a friend(s).
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