I Do! Do You?

It’s been a week since we left and I have to be honest … my eyes leak!

I cry missing my grands (and their parents).

It’s hard to leave. I don’t get used to it, meaning after a few days everything is okay. It seems the longer the distance, the bigger their absence swells. Physically, my heart misses them so much it releases water drops from my eyes. What I feel in my heart literally takes on physical form… tears.

My second grader, Deacon and two three-year-olds, Justice and Goldie, start when we get there. “Will you be here tomorrow?” “How many days are you here?” Just about every night, they ask the same. We reassure them and make it sound like we’ll be there a very long time. In my heart, I know it will go by in a flash and departure will arrive before any of us are ready.

The day before we leave, the departure looms and we talk about it. They cry. I cry, reassuring them of my love and keep reminding all of us of our next visit together. It helps, but upon departure, tears flow, hugs and kisses abound.

My tears are flowing, describing it to you here, now!

A friend and I were discussing this over our church fellowship meal. Her grands are in New England. She and her husband recently moved back to VA from there. She said, “This last time we left, I did pretty well. I didn’t start crying till New Jersey!” She’s hoping it will get easier as time goes. I’m not sure it does, it just hits differently sometimes.

The airport distracts me. I get dropped off and after the hurried teary goodbye: traffic pushes everyone along at airports. Then it’s go here, go there, get this out, wait in line, take this off, scan this, screen that, catch the tram, walk and journey what seems a thousand miles to your gate. Logistics keep me moving forward.

Once I get home, the missing intensifies!

Yes, I have lots to do and can keep myself busy every day, but it still nags at me and surfaces without notice.

Aren’t families meant to live in proximity?

It’s interesting cause I grew up a few hours from my grandparents, so shouldn’t it be normal for me? (Well, I’m ten hours from 4.) I didn’t see my grandparents every week, yet, it doesn’t translate.

I’m not used to it. I live with it!

There is an acceptance and understanding of where they live. My mind can grasp that. But, the distance causing missing … that doesn’t “get better overtime” or “become easier.” My heart won’t do it.

So, I try to communicate every way possible without pestering their parents to death. When we get to FaceTime, I just want to crawl through the screen. We all hug the devise and kiss the surface!

Even my youngest, five-month-old Delaney, the other day was reaching out for the screen when I was talking to her! “Touching my face”, my daughter said. My 9-month-old, Indie, got an instant smile and waved to me unsolicited when she saw me on the screen. All these gestures are personal to me. I store them away like squirrels collecting acorns. I lock them away safely in my heart.

Early this summer, Goldie, checked out a book from the library. We read it several times while I was there; entitled, Grandma’s Magic. It was a sweet story of how grandmas leave their magic with you when they go home. Meaning they leave love in your heart and memories. She returned the book, but we refer to it still. “I’ll be leaving, but I’m leaving my magic, my love for you!”

This last time, we left while she was at school. I left her a note for when she got home and assured her I left my magic!! I also left all our love and stickers. Even though we said our goodbyes that morning, all my grandchildren give the best hugs and kisses, my son said she’d be sad when she came home and we were gone. I hope the note and stickers helped.

Now, it’s been a month since I’ve visited my 3 in Michigan and boy, do I feel it!

Visiting some makes me miss the others more! Am I the only one?

I’m ecstatic to be with any of them and definitely am careful to be present and aware when we’re together. Yet, missing the others still occurs. I may be the only one. If so, that’s okay. This is how it happens to me!

If physical distance makes your eyes leak, I’m with you!!

If this is a foreign concept to you, it’s okay!

Tell me if you “do” or “don’t”!

I do recognize the awesome privilege of being called “Mom” and “Zee Zee.” I do not take it for granted. It’s not been an easy road to these titles. Maybe that has something to do with my response.

I just wanted to be honest and open about where I am. Some of you may be here too after some summer-time together!

Deacon sent these home with us last visit!!❤️❤️ Of course, they hang on my frig!! And, I am not one for having magnets on my frig! For him … no question💙

These littles own my heart,