The Other Most Dreaded Day …

It’s been a week and four days since we’ve talked.

My whole life he has been a constant, a foundation, an encourager, an example, a wise sage.

I’ve never for a moment doubted his wholehearted love for me, my mother, my siblings, my husband, my children and their children.

Saturday Sept. 16th my father left this world, shedding his body like a cloak and depositing his soul in an eternal vessel.

A devout Christian and student of God’s Word, the Bible, he long ago looked forward to this day. He held no doubts about God’s plans for Him, nor was he ill prepared. If he told us once, he told us a million times, “When God calls, I’m ready to go!” We heard it, even more, since Mom passed in 2020, my other Most Dreaded Day!

He told me, he and Mom often talked, in later years, about how they would pass. Of course, they would not choose long drawn out affairs, or pain. Dad was pleased with Mom’s 4 day hospital stay prior to her passing, saying “she was not in pain” and “didn’t linger long”. “I don’t think it could have gone much better!” Even though it was during Covid and we couldn’t be at the hospital. (She did not have Covid.)

He also told all of us of his deep desire to die at home. Many times, we considered and discussed, as siblings, whether it was possible. Turns out it was exactly as he wished.

Tuesday, September 12th, was Dad’s 93rd birthday! He celebrated with two of my siblings and spouses at a local restaurant. I was on family vacation and discussed with him celebrating when we returned. He said, “That’s okay, I’ll be 93 all year!”

I can only remember one Emergency Room visit in the last 25 years for Dad. He was on 2-3 medicines and some vitamins. At his last annual visit to his General Practitioner, he said, “I’ll be seeing you till your 100!” He had a cold here and there, but overall he was healthy. Over the years, ambulating became more of a challenge; stiff and aging joints made it difficult. He persevered using a cane and, at night, a walker. Of course, he got slower, but still cared for his daily needs, including simple cooking and writing his own bills.

During his birthday week, while I was on family vacation, I clocked 15 calls to Dad for multiple reasons; way above my average!

I last spoke to him on Friday evening. He asked what time we were leaving the beach in the morning, said “Tell everyone I love them”, which was his way. We then expressed our love and told each other to rest well. I assured him I would check in with him when Igot home.

I arrived home at 3:30 pm on Saturday. I began calling him, left messages, continued to call and never got an answer. My siblings, too, called when I alerted them. Around dinner time, my older brother went to check on him, about 45 minutes away. Dad had phone troubles that week, which was our natural conclusion about him not answering.

Instead, when my brother reached the house and Dad didn’t answer the door. He said he knew we were in trouble. Dad was gone.

We are still in shock! We can identify about 1 1/2 hour period when no one spoke to him before I started calling. In that window, God called his name, and he left this earth. Quick. Instantaneous. No struggle. His heart beat its last and his prayers came true for a quick exit from this world.

I hate he was alone, but I could have been in the house in another room and he still would have been alone when he left. His passing fulfilled his wishes.

My siblings and I all started speed dialing Dad as my brother drove to his home and I had been calling for hours now about every 10-15 minutes. I believe, if a ringing phone can signal “love” to someone, it surrounded him till my brother arrived!!

His spirit had already passed over, but the body that housed our beloved Dad remained and we loved it, as well. After all, it hugged us, cradled us, held our hands and kissed us from the day we were born. Dad never hid his affection or tears!

He truly was a remarkable man!! My entire life is filled with stories and memories and examples of how remarkable and brilliant he was!! I’m not just biased, there are thousands of people who would agree.

By the way, he was a storyteller. As a Professor at the University of Maryland for 30 years, he had more words than most!! He was used to crowded rooms and an audience for 1 to 4 hours at a time. (His night classes were 4 hours long.) You cannot think of my Dad without stories coming to mind.

Yet, he walked humbly on this earth! He had every reason not to be, but he was incredibly humble!!!

One illustration that speaks volumes to me … He earned the title Doctor by completing his PHD, but only allowed it to be used in his professional setting. On campus, he was known as “Doctor” Or “Doc.” Everywhere else, he insisted on simply “Mr.” Outside his vocation, he was the same as everyone else, he said. Even on my wedding invitation, he insisted on “Mr. And Mrs.” in lieu of “Dr. and Mrs.” I’ve never met another like him!

I am broken-hearted, grieving, crying, laughing, missing, and a whole range of emotions, presently.

Decades ago, Dad told my husband and I, when we were alone with him and Mom, “One day when all your parents are gone, You will feel like orphans. We did!” I recall him expressing, “I don’t want to make you sad, but I want to prepare you.” I have never forgotten those words!!! And I knew it would be MY most dreaded day!!!

I became an instant “orphan” last week. No formal goodbyes, no parents to call or home to go to! It is odd, heart wrenching, totally unfamiliar and hard. Even though I knew the day would come, knowing has not made it easier. I have never stood here before; a lifetime together has not prepared me for separation. I’m not sure it can. Although, watching someone suffer brings a different perspective to the table. I didn’t have that.

One second here, the next, he transported to an eternal realm.

I recognize Dad and Mom left me with an overflowing heart of love and thankfulness. With great intention, they made a lifetime of personal deposits, filling me with endless love and care!!! I will carry that with me always!

I KNOW I am blessed to have parents who loved unconditionally, fervently, and greatly. In this broken world, that is the greatest gift they could give me. I’m eternally grateful … always! Frequently, I told them so!

Both of my parents ran this race of life well, with all they had and gave me examples to live and love by!!

Dad often recounted to us how wonderful his life was. He would say, “I just don’t know if it could have gone any better!” He’d refer to his marriage, children, grandchild, extended family, career, retirement, etc. You’d think he nor his family ever had problems by his accounts. Of course, he and we did! Yet, he said it over and over … “I just don’t know if it could have gone any better!”

Even though I carry shock and disbelief in my body of his quick instantaneous passing, I believe, if we discuss our own deaths in heaven, which I’m not sure we do, he would say, “My earthly passage went as well as I could have imagined! I just don’t know if it could have gone any better!”

You leave a irreplaceable void Dad!! I will miss you the rest of my days! I’m so grateful you left enough love in my heart to last me: I will lack your presence, but not your love!!!

Grieving ,