On Repeat …

This song has been on repeat in my head, even making its way to a hum and voice for several weeks now.

A few years ago, when my life turned upside down, it was one of my “go to” songs. The lyrics were my prayer to God when words wouldn’t come from my numb and overwhelmed brain. I hit play on this song so many times!

I couldn’t explain or understand how I got to the place I found myself. I couldn’t identify landmarks, my heart was broken, my world torn asunder by things I would have never dreamed. Lots of my life was crumbling around me and I, the writer, couldn’t find words: my thoughts halted and reasoning depleted.

It was in these shocking unexplainable moments, this song became my prayer.

I did NOT understand what God desired through my heartbreak. I could not grasp much of what was happening. My faith was not strong. I felt intensely weak and faltering. My heart just couldn’t mouth platitudes and pleasantries. Honesty with God was all I had; brokenness.

In those days, the faith I devoted my life to felt like a ship rolling in the ocean. The kind where the ship leans on its side and if you don’t hold on, you will find yourself tossed into the ocean with no hope of rescue. The anchor was cut loose. Not my anchor in God, he never left me, although He silently walked me through many days. But, the anchor of faith that kept me in the “safe bay”, where storms don’t reach and life/faith carry on with ease and comfort. Waves are minimal. Faith and trust easy.

Because it cast my faith into a storm, trust was waning too. It’s hard to trust when the night surrounds you and the moorings have been cut, leaving life unstable and shockingly unfamiliar.

I sought every way possible to bolster my faith and, trust in my unseen God through the storm.

I played Him this song!

I couldn’t even sing it… for me, a singer… that was too hard in the circumstance!

But I knew God knew and saw my heart.

As the lyrics state, I wanted God to move mountains for me. I wanted Him to part the waters like he did for the Hebrew children exiting Egypt. I wanted answers as I cried out. But, even if none of those things happened, I still needed to trust Him. This song released my heart to God. As I heard it, my heart resonated and knew the unspoken answer to my cries was to TRUST! I might be hanging onto the side for dear life or wrenching with seasickness from the tumultuous storm or bone weary from the fight, but trust was essential to getting through.

Maybe one of you needs this today, as much as I did/do. It may be oxygen to your lungs. It may bolster your wavering faith or become your prayer as words escape you.

I understand. I hope your heart finds some reassurance and trust.

Thank you, Lauren Daigle, for recording this heart cry for many of us who lose words and need our faith bolstered in the storm!

Listen and watch HERE to “Trust In You” by Lauren Daigle.

If I can pray for you this week, let me know in the comments. Please don’t feel you must explain. Just a simple thumbs up, raised hand emoji or a “me” will let me know to pray for you!

I empathize deeply with those who need to use other’s words when theirs won’t come and who also need to rehearse their trust in God.

Please Remember… His silence may be deafening, but He won’t leave you! Sometimes, He works in silence… He will still walk you through!

I Will Trust,

2 thoughts on “On Repeat …

  1. Thanks for sharing! Much needed and I ask that you pray for Mary as she is going through her 2nd bout with the “C” word. Miss you and Jim!

    I was just having this inner conversation with myself & with God earlier this month. And one of my favorite hymns kept surfacing to help bolster the “trust” portion, “Trust & Obey”. Hope that it’s OK, but I am posting the hymn here.

    1 When we walk with the Lord
    in the light of his word,
    what a glory he sheds on our way!
    While we do his good will,
    he abides with us still,
    and with all who will trust and obey.

    Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
    to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

    2 Not a burden we bear,
    not a sorrow we share,
    but our toil he doth richly repay;
    not a grief or a loss,
    not a frown or a cross,
    but is blest if we trust and obey. [Refrain]

    3 But we never can prove
    the delights of his love
    until all on the altar we lay;
    for the favor he shows,
    for the joy he bestows,
    are for them who will trust and obey. [Refrain]

    4 Then in fellowship sweet
    we will sit at his feet,
    or we’ll walk by his side in the way;
    what he says we will do,
    where he sends we will go;
    never fear, only trust and obey. [Refrain]

    Again, thank you for the encouragement through your struggles and to the song that Lauren sang! Blessings!
    –Jim D

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